Being Schizophrenic: A Life Worth Living By Charles Erwin

Chapter 1

What the heck am I doing here anyway?

Where to begin! It all started when my mom and dad met way back in the 1980s. I don't know what they were thinking when they made me, but I was no accident. That's for sure. Once again, I will reiterate that my mom and dad knew what they were doing. They were in love and wanted to have kids.

How I was born was almost like being down in a cavern that was wet, damp, cool, and peaceful. At the same time, I heard the beat of my mother’s heart. That's what kept me going all these years. That's when I realized the noise I had been hearing was the sound of life because I too had a heart. I was being nurtured in my mother's womb. It was then I heard a voice saying, “It’s time.” The doctor opened my mother up, I was lifted out, and it was then I was born.

Pretty much that's how my life began. I left out a few minor details because the voices I was hearing at the time quite possibly was the schizophrenia I have probably experienced off and on my whole life.

After all, who has a photographic memory at birth? Not very many people, some may say. Others, on the other hand, will say only the gifted.

Chapter 2

Life as I know it

Was this life just a game?

I could swear by it that person after person I met told me I was a role player.

Then I found out my family got a lead, and I was going to the big leagues.

They told me all dogs go to heaven; so no matter what happens, don't worry. You will make it to the big mansion in the sky.

That is when I watched the movie “All Dogs Go to Heaven” for the first time staring Charlie Sheen. The movie was wonderful. It was about a dog that died and went to heaven.

Later I learned the star of the show wasn't done with his earthly life, so he came back down to earth by breaking the rules. In the end, he made it to where he wanted to be in life. So you’re probably thinking, what does that have to do with me? Well, I guess what my family was saying was I was actually a dog or would be one in my next life. Therefore, I didn't have to worry about going to hell. It’s all confusing. My schizophrenia really knew how to play things to a tee, or was it just an over-active imagination? Time will tell.

Chapter 3

The Voices

So these supposed voices tell me what I think is really going on. Is it real or is it not? All I know is I hate fleas, and a friend of the family said I would never have to worry about them again as long as I stuck by him. He later explained he had magic in his family blood line which can alter reality in the world, and it can also alter all realities and dimensions.

So I played along all these years believing in something greater than myself. Was it really magic, or was it a figment of my imagination?

Then after experiencing it first-hand, I knew more and more I wanted the energy I felt from this magic. It gave my body a cool rush, and I always knew there was something to this magic.

By all means, sometimes magic is warm, cool, calm, and collected. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep and lay in my bed while I feel its presence.

It seems everywhere I go I could feel energy and the voices were always there. I knew I was different, but somehow I knew things that no one else knew. I was elite. I was top dog. It was like everyone wanted to tell me their secret innermost thoughts. Throughout my life, I had many amazing and wild journeys.

My therapist and mental health team told me the voices I hear are either a delusion of something I made up in my head or a hallucination of something that I think I'm seeing or hearing which is not really there.

Enough about the voices. They don't really bother me, but sometimes they make me bust up laughing. Yes, that happens in public places even when no joke was told. In my head, it's a different story. I laugh at things I think are funny, and sometimes maybe I'm a little off.

On to the next chapter…..

Chapter 4

Oh voices and more voices

Sometimes the voices tell me they are the president; other times they tell me they are movie characters.

At times the voices appear as friends, family, and guides such as a monk.

These monks are Buddhist. I think they are mostly quiet and are just observing the thoughts in my head. They tell me they are part of universal consciousness, and they are here just because they are needed.

It's hard to explain, but it seems like they can teach me anything I want to know. A good example is martial arts.

I have been expanding my knowledge from within for quite some time. All I have to do is drop in, be quiet, and listen, with permission, of course.

Movies and TV are great but not as important as having a personal encyclopedia called a brain.

My brain is connected to the whole universe just like a computer connects to the internet. It's pretty cool.

Well enough about that.

Let's talk about schizophrenia. Do I have it?

Well, if I do, it sure would explain everything from a modern take on ancient standards and ancient way of thinking.

Schizophrenia is not a curse; it is a gift once you realize it's an ancient way of thinking.

You build life skills by talking to yourself in third person and first person as well. Don't even get me started with second person and the 5th wheel mind set. Whoa!!

All this stuff can be overwhelming unless you learn how to control the influx and intake of information. With schizophrenia, your mind will be overwhelmed and overrun with random thoughts, facts, and ideas.

The universe is connected to my mind, body, and soul. I would support anyone who has these experiences. Get help from a professional. It's okay to ask for help if you’re overwhelmed.

Chapter 5

Therapy

Music is zen and a way of life.

Documentaries take you down the rabbit hole.

And television helps one wind down.

So do fans with loud humming sounds.

The news keeps you up to date on the latest malarkey. Good luck with that.

News can be useful sometimes, but I prefer to listen to it long enough to zone out while I'm drinking a soda or a bottle of water.

My attention span is somewhat good, but at times I get bored and tell whatever I'm doing to buzz off, do a 180, and do something totally different.

That, my friends, is priceless. Do your own thing. Don't be part of the crowd. Otherwise, we both know where that will lead.

If you start to go off on the deep end, read a book until you fall asleep.

There, problem settled.

Chapter 6

Life and bills

Bills that have to be paid first are rent, utilities, and food. You need to have a place of shelter and refuge. I'm going to keep this chapter short and sweet. Rent, utilities, and food are essential. Everything else is okay as long as it fits your budget. If your only transportation is a bicycle, at least you have some mode.

The great form of transportation is yourself. Remember that most people can walk or in some cases roll around in a scooter or wheel chair.

Location is everything. Don't live in the woods if it is an inconvenience. Move to the city and mind your own darn business, and you have nothing to worry about.

End of story. Get a life!!!

Chapter 7

Getting a life!!!

Wow! Where to begin. My book is really just up your alley. If you enjoyed it this far, keep reading because it's about to get good.

Schizophrenia is really kind of the same thing as universal consciousness and telepathy, but I'm no doctor. That's just my personal experience and also my heart felt opinion, so don't take my word for it.

Most people who know me give me space. I took that space and took the time to write these thoughts all down. This is my life.

I am a writer who knows what's in store for me or the world for that matter.

Chapter 8

God and Country

God, I have nothing bad to say about him.

I do believe his son saved us from hell.

And as long as we have him with us, we will always be fine. Even in the darkest times, he will be with us. You best believe he will never forsake us or leave us. That is what it says in the bible, and the USA was founded on God. One nation under God. That's a fact, so don't get things twisted. God still runs the show, especially today in America. He has his hand on America just as much as he does the world.

He has a very special place in my heart. He has helped me through tough times. I do believe God knows all of our hearts because in the end, he says he will judge everyone that is unsaved by their actions and deeds.

He also said to love another like we love ourselves.

That being said, even the selfish should get that one because they love only themselves. Eventually we all will get it. We will come around. Life is short if you believe your soul ends when you die.

It is when you discover your soul is eternal you realize death is not the end. It never was.

Chapter 9

The great unknown

Don't worry about where you go.

Always know if you have Jesus with you, you will never stray too far from the path of righteousness and truth. You will live with him in person again one day forevermore.

That is a fact. Even a sinner can make it in to heaven if he repents. Sometimes words are not necessary. Just a simple gesture or an act of faith and good will is enough. God, I'm waiting for you.

Do you want to be in his army? I know I do.

Chapter 10

The End

This is the end to this wonderful book for the ideas in it are vast and filled with knowledge. Some might call it a work of art or a jumbled mess. I call it the beginning of my story with God that never ends. In Jesus name, I pray that my book is found useful for all to learn from and to better understand the perspective of a schizophrenic. Amen!! And finally . . .

Now I can go to bed and get some sleep!!! Amen! Thank you, Jesus, for helping me write this book.

[Disclaimer:

"I Charles Joseph Erwin the original author of this works give permission for my book to be distributed published printed shared freely for classroom use and for uses outside of the classroom and may be translated into any language world wide with or without charge i here by declare this book public domain as long as this disclaimer is posted with all original content intact and credit given where credit is due"]